consultant, bullying, management, mclaren, mckinsey, arthur, anderson, andersen, kpmg, 
deloitte, haskins, touch, touche, ross, coopers, lybrand, ernst, young, grant, thornton, ibm, gemini, 
compass, tohmatsu, towers, perrin
Half the population are bullied ... most only recognize it when they read this

Unique job share opportunity!
Bullying by management consultant

In company with modern work trends, we are pleased to announce an opportunity for an enthusiastic and motivated young individual to share a job with some of the best management in the world.

Because of the lowered status and embarrassment that the title of "management consultant" can attract, we are prepared to compensate you with a salary of up to four times that of the manager you are consulting with. Hope that's enough. We'll also throw in a car of your choice, eg four wheel drive or sports car. Ever driven a Ferrari or McLaren F1? Should help to counter the injury to feelings caused by insensitive remarks like "Oh, Nigel? He's a management consultant". Very hurtful.

So, what attributes and abilities do you require? A bank account (preferably offshore), a smart suit (loans available), big ears and a writing implement like a biro (tax-deductible). We'll supply you with headed notepaper. Take it wherever you're headed.

Duties? Share the job of the manager you are assigned to, listen to everything he says - or she says, you'll find more women in management these days, sign of the times you know, have to keep up with the trends, don't we? - write it all down, let him (or her, have to be politically correct at all times now, how tedious) talk as much as possible, makes your job a lot easier, then transcribe everything you've heard into a management report, double-spaced on glossy 120gm paper, add a fancy binder with impressive gold-embossed company logo and hey presto! you've just determined strategic policy for the next six months. As an added advantage you don't have to worry about such tiresome encumbrances as accountability. The world moves on and so will you. You'll be a million miles away when the dumb managers fail to make your masterpiece work.

To apply for this plum position, apply to any of the following respected organisations: McKinsey, Arthur Anderson, KPMG, Deloitte, Touche Ross, Coopers and Lybrand, Gemini, Towers-Perrin or similar (address in Yellow Pages). Or call into the headquarters of any large business, corporation or organisation and ask the receptionist to direct you to the office of the resident management consultant. Ignore any funny looks she gives you. Remember, you're on your way up and you can always restructure her later.

Welcome to your new career!


Where now at Related Issues?
Violence, rage, abuse, discrimination and issues related to bullying
Related Issues Home Page
Bullying by neighbours | Bullying by landlords
Bullying by the church | Bullying and cults | Bullying and prisons
Bullying and whistleblowing | Bullying and stammering
Bullying and age discrimination | Bullying and long hours
Bullying and minorities | Bullying of gays and lesbians
Transsexuals and bullying | Bullying and disfigurement
Bullying and adoption | Bullying and eating disorders
Bullying and racism | Bullying because you're seen as overweight or fat
The cost of drugs and alcohol at work | Corporate bullying and fad-speak
Working from home | Management consultants
Bullying and business ethics | Toxic management | Bullying and fat cats
Bullying and call centres | Bullying and snooping
Cyberbullying, emails and the Internet
Abusive telephone calls | Bullying and mobile phones
Health and safety | The welfare officer
Domestic violence | A serial bully in the family | Female violence
Bullying and anger | Road rage, office rage | Verbal violence
Violence | Gun violence | Spree killings
Bullying and abuse | Sexual abuse | Drug rape | Stalking
Bullying in the movies | Trauma and the paranormal

Home Pages
The Field Foundation
| Bully OnLine
Workplace bullying | School bullying | Family bullying
Bullying news | Bullying case histories
Bullying resources | Press and media centre
Stress, PTSD and psychiatric injury
Action to tackle bullying | Related issues

Success Unlimited
Books on bullying and related issues