Constant criticism, nit-picking, humiliation, violence, undermining, denial, refusal to value? Sounds like bullying
"On average a woman suffering domestic violence will be beaten 32 times before she
(UK Thames Valley Police statistic)
Domestic violence is the second most reported crime, accounting for about 25% of violent incidents reported to the police. Between a quarter and a third of all women experience some form of domestic violence from the male partner or ex-partner. Almost half of all murders of women are committed by their male partner, usually after a long period of domestic violence. The British Medical Journal (BMJ volume 311, January 1995) reported that women subjected to physical abuse are more likely to report mental health problems including anxiety, depression, and attempts at suicide.
If you're living with a violent partner or ex-partner - Jekyll & Hyde nature, always controlling, abusive, compulsive liar, provocative, immature, aggressive, constantly criticizing, manipulative, deceptive, refuses to communicate and cooperate, charming when he or she needs to be - you may find the description of the serial bully chillingly familiar.
Domestic violence can be physical as in assault and battering, or it can be psychological as with constant criticism, refusal to acknowledge or support, or the deliberate use of silence, perhaps for weeks at a time. Often a violent partner is sexually violent and inadequate. Sometimes the violent partner may be abusing or sexually abusing their children. For insight into abuse click here.
Whilst domestic violence is usually regarded as men battering women, men can be battered too: See Domestic Violence Against Men and MAN2MAN: The Site For Battered Men
Whilst the focus of Bully OnLine is bullying in the workplace, much is common to school and home environments including domestic violence. I believe half the population are bullied or harassed or abused; click here to see if this fits your experience in life. Many emailers and callers to my UK National Workplace Bullying Advice Line are dealing with domestic violence through a violent or abusive partner or family member, sometimes as well as a serial bully at work. Bully OnLine provides insight and practical information to validate the abuse people are experiencing; the sound of relief is often almost audible!
For dealing with a difficult partner, I recommend Patricia Evans' book The verbally abusive relationship.
Resources for dealing with a bully in the family.
The UK Freedom Programme helps women and men deal with domestic violence
Domestic violence costs the UK economy around £3bn a year through its impact on decreased productivity, absenteeism and effect on co-workers. [More]
Women's Aid is working to end violence against women and children.
Men's Aid is the national charity supporting male victims of domestic violence, their children, family and friends.
The Duluth Institute has worked many years to create a graphic explanation of the dynamics of domestic violence and of respect-based relationships. These comprise the power and control wheel for relationships where there is domestic violence and the equality wheel for relationships based on respect.
Signs to look for in a battering personality.
The Coalition Against Abuse in Relationships / Coalition Contre l'Abus dans les
Relations has a web presence at
The Broken Spirits Network is an online community and support group that focuses on aiding both current and past victims of child abuse, sexual abuse, and domestic violence. Broken Spirits provides a comprehensive list of shelters, hotlines and organizations that can provide help for potential victims.
Custodyfraud e-zine is a site devoted to family court issues.
MothersFor Freedom is for mothers being bullied by an abusive ex partner.
http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/religion.htm including Men, Women and Biblical Equality and Responding to Domestic Violence: Guidelines for Pastors and Rabbis
Biblical Submission Within Marriage, by Rebecca Merrill Groothuis overcomes many of the religious myths that many use to justify spiritual abuse and/or domestic abuse. It's written from the Christian perspective but is applicable to most religions.
In the USA, October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and October 14 is Domestic Violence Screening Day. There's an online newsletter on domestic violence at http://www.athealth.com/PN_FPN.html
The following references were received via an Internet forum:
1. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE STATISTICS
Domestic violence is a universal health care issue. The American Bar Association provides an excellent summary of the statistics outlining the scope of the problem.
2. JOURNAL OF THE AMERICAN MEDICAL ASSOCIATION
"Screening and Intervention for Intimate Partner Abuse" by Michael A. Rodriguez, MD, MPH; Heidi M. Bauer, MD, MPH; Elizabeth McLoughlin, ScD; and Kevin Grumbach, MD, August 1999. The authors discuss their study of the practices and attitudes of primary care physicians regarding intimate partner abuse. Practitioners are missing opportunities to screen for abuse.
3. GUIDELINE FOR SCREENING FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
The purpose of the guideline is to give health care providers an understanding of issues related to domestic violence and
the tools to assess every patient for victimization. (The community resource references are limited to Wisconsin.)
4. AMERICAN COLLEGE OF OBSTETRICIANS AND GYNECOLOGISTS (ACOG)
The ACOG has a section devoted to Violence Against Women. The site includes clinician screening tools for intimate partner violence and sexual assault. Some materials are also in Spanish.
5. TRAINING CHILD WELFARE WORKERS ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
This trainer's manual was developed by Kathryn Conroy, DSW, and Randy Magen, PhD. The emphasis is on understanding and responding to domestic violence. There is also a workbook to be used with the training at http://cwolf.uaa.alaska.edu/~afrhm1/workbook2.html
6. SUBSTANCE ABUSE TREATMENT AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
To access the full text of the treatment guidelines, scroll down and click on the link to the full text at the bottom of the paragraph.
7. FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND (FVPF)
This site offers a wealth of information, including personal stories and a list of state activities for Domestic Violence
Awareness Month. The general public can call 1-888-Rx-Abuse to request a postcard to send to their health care providers to urge them to screen for domestic violence.
8. AMERICAN ACADEMY OF PEDIATRICS
"The Role of the Pediatrician in Recognizing and Intervening on Behalf of Abused Women." This policy statement affirms that "abuse of women is a pediatric issue" and that family violence has a profound effect on children.
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